Why We Are Not Crazy

While the comments have died down quite a bit since everyone has seen what an incredible life James is leading, we still sometimes have people telling us that we are crazy for having kids in our twenties and even more crazy for having kids in our twenties with Mike still in medical school (Largely others in their 20s who do not feel ready for our lifestyle yet). I am feeling particularly cranky about this today, so in order to vent some feelings, here is a list of reasons why were are NOT crazy:

1. We want kids NOW. Why should the fact that other people feel that we should be spending our 20s drinking, traveling, going to clubs, spending money on luxuries, etc., stop of from having what we really want: a family? Not everyone has the same desires in their 20s, and we would rather be changing diapers and playing peek-a-boo than changing planes and playing poker.

2. Ever since James was born, we are happier and more joyful than ever before in our lives. Really, truly, we are. Mike summed it up perfectly when, around six months after James was born, he said, "There are many things in our life that bring us happiness, but James is the only thing that brings us joy." Soon "James" will be replaced with "our kids" in this sentiment, and I can't wait!

3. People in their 20s have an easier time conceiving and have healthier babies. This is just plain old medical fact. As maternal and paternal age increase so do the chances of having fertility issues and miscarriage, as well as babies with genetic problems. Recent studies show that the odds of having a baby with Autism go up dramatically when either maternal or paternal age reaches 35 and even more dramatically at 40.

4. We want four kids. That's right: four. If we only wanted one or two children, starting when Mike finished residency wouldn't have been as big of a deal. However, since we want four children spaced two years apart, starting that late would have meant that I would have been around 38 when the last child was born, maybe older if we had any fertility issues. No thank you. I am thrilled with the idea of being done with pregnancy and nursing before my mid thirties!

5. Career doesn't have to come before kids. I have heard so many people say that every woman should have an established career before she has kids. Sorry, but I don't think this is necessary. While I am very glad that I finished my education before having kids, and would highly recommend that other women do so as well, I am also very glad that I did not start a career before having James. I have met far too many women in their 30s who have the financial means and the desire to stay home with their children, but feel guilty about "abandoning" their careers. I know myself well enough that if I had started a career, I would have had similar mixed emotions about leaving to do what I really want, which is stay home for full-time Mommyhood.

6. We will have more debt: SO WHAT? Yes, we had to take out more loans to support our having kids and my staying home with them. SO WHAT? It's what we wanted. Yes, we will be unable to afford a million dollar home and yearly trips to Europe because of this decision. SO WHAT? Once Mike is out of residency, will we still be able to afford a nice home? Yes. Will we still be able to afford to go on family vacations? Yes. We will still be able to go out to eat now and again and buy healthy fresh food? Yes. Will we still be able to send our kids to private school if we wish? Yes. So why do we encounter so many people who think it is the end of the world that we will have to give up some luxuries in the future in order to have kids now? I have no idea.

7. Our lives, our decision. Quite honestly, how, why, when, and how many kids we have is no one's business but our own. We have shown that we are perfectly capable of feeding, clothing, loving and giving children all-around high quality care. So, world at large, stop worrying, we've got this under control.